What is not helpful

You can't truly understand their plight

Unless you have or have had an eating disorder yourself, it is virtually impossible to understand what a person with an eating disorder is going through emotionally or physically. There are however many things you can do to support a friend or loved one struggling with an eating disorder. Two of the best things you can do to support them is listen to them and encourage them on their road to recovery.
 

What to avoid saying or doing

There are some things however you should never do when someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder:

• Do NOT tell the person that you understand what they are going through.

• You can listen and be empathetic, but unless you have gone through the same problem it is virtually impossible to understand their pain completely.

• Do not attempt to force an anorexic to eat or a bulimic to stop purging.  It simply will not work.

•  Avoid any and all conversations that revolve around dieting or that concentrate on food. Find fun activities to engage in that involve things other than food.

• Try to avoid commenting or focusing on the persons physical appearance.  Try to focus on positive aspects of the person’s life.

• Do not ignore their eating disorder.

• Avoid adding stress or chaos into the person’s life or inflicting any type of additional stress or emotional pain.

• If you are a parent of a child with an eating disorder, do not ignore the condition no matter how many pleas the child offers or promises they make to stop the behavior.  A child with an eating disorder needs to seek out professional assistance.

• Avoid assuming the problem will go away on its own.  Thousands of people die each and every year from eating disorders.

• Do not force someone to try a form of therapy they are not interested in.  There are many different types of therapy available; you are bound to find something together that works.

• Do not “avoid” the person, they will simply feel even more isolated and more out of control.

• Avoid making choices for them, and remember that recovery is a choice that each patient has to make for themselves.

• Avoid taking anything personally, particularly if your friend or family member lashes out at you at first.  Facing an eating disorder head on is a challenging thing to do, and many people are angry when faced with their condition immediately.

• Avoid making harsh comments that are judgmental in nature.

• Avoid making statements that are controlling such as “you must eat this” and instead try a more gentle approach that encourages your friend or loved one to open up to you.

• Try not to take things personally.  A person with an eating disorder is not trying to harm you or disrupt their life.  Remember that an eating disorder is about the person suffering, not about you personally.